Steve, Don't Do It! Don't! Do! It!
Posted on 01.22.06 by Widge @ 6:34 pm

An open letter to Steve Jobs and all the fine folks at Pixar:

Dear Folks:

I understand you are looking at being taken over by Disney. My case will be made crystal clear after I read you the back of the upcoming DVD Bambi II:

One of the silver screen's most cherished characters makes his triumphant return in Disney's spectacular all-new movie, Bambi II. The eagerly awaited next chapter of Bambi's unforgettable story continues for a whole new generation in a film that's sure to delight your entire family.

Join Bambi as he reunites with his father, The Great Prince, who must now raise the young fawn and teach him the ways of the forest. But, in the adventure of a lifetime, the proud parent discovers that there is much he can learn from his spirited young son.

Okay, so…let's consider this for a moment. Bearing in mind that I have not yet seen the film, but based on the back cover copy and the pictures, it's pretty well established that Bambi II is the "untold story" of what happened before the end of the first film, in which we see the matured Bambi become His Father's Son. The Great Prince, if I remember correctly, appears just a few times, and seldom in the midst of the action. He's sort of there when Bambi is born, he's there to give the "Life Sucks" speech to Bambi after Bambi's mom dies, he helps Bambi get out of the burning forest, and then at the end.

Now, in this sequel/midquel/whatever, all that is brushed aside as the absent father figure is replaced with a Dad who not only will "be there" for Bambi, but will learn things from his son.

To me, this kind of blows the first film all to hell. Maybe I'm overreacting, but based on the previous Disney sequels, I doubt it.

So, Pixar, I think it's cool that such a deal would make Steve Jobs the mondo stakeholder in Disney, but do you really think that you are immune to the power of Disney's suck? Don't you think it will corrupt you and destroy you from both within and without, while we, your fans, can do nothing but console each other and sob into our espressos? If they'll do this to one of their all-time classic hits in the name of a few bucks, you don't think they won't hesitate to roast all of you on a spit?

But hey, maybe I'm just a doomsayer who can be dismissed. After all, look at the great job they've done since taking over the Muppets.

Hugs and espresso,
John/Widge

Filed under: General BS
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John Robinson is a writer of prose, poetry and comics who also writes under the pseudonym of Widgett Walls.

Widgett Walls is the director of Needcoffee.com who also writes under the pseudonym of John Robinson.

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