If you want your kid to read Spider-Man, you've either got to hand them the ridiculous pablum that is the Marvel Adventures line (or Marvel Age, or whatever they're calling it) or you can have the regular MU Spidey, where he can be found snogging an eight-year-old or getting his fucking eye torn out.

I mean, Jesus, even when Spidey got his ass handed to him by Kulan Gath in that X-Men two-parter, it wasn't as messed up as that page.

Granted, there's Ulty Spidey, which might actually be getting good again. But that's got to be confusing, since all the other Ulty titles really aren't good for kids.

Ah, Marvel. Got editors?

Update: I've been told that the eyeball in question has been nicknamed "Li'l Squitch." Therefore, strips like this and this are just inevitable.