Here's the article.

Okay, check this out.

FCC Commissioner Michael Copps was also on hand at the conference and took broadcasters to task for their current content, speaking of "too little news, too much baloney passed off as news. Too little quality entertainment, too many people eating bugs on reality TV. Too little local and regional music, too much brain-numbing national play-lists."

That's right…the people that will bend over backwards to fine folks because a vast (vast!) minority of letter writers will bitch about anything and everything are going to tell television what's the right content they should have. The people who get their panties in a wad about profanity and nipples and don't trust you to change the channel if you don't like what you're seeing…are getting ready to use the police power of the government to regulate what can and cannot be shown on television.

Why? Because the networks show baloney and people eating bugs and that's not, in their estimation, quality.

Newsflash, you dumb pricks. The vast majority of people like baloney and bugs. If they didn't, and they tuned out, then the networks wouldn't show it. The networks are in this for one thing and one thing only: money. If high brow entertainment sold well, then Spike TV would be doing Merchant Ivory marathons instead of Bond.

Here's how this is going to work. Because Nanny Government thinks that you Americans aren't smart enough to pick your own radio and television programming, they're going to legislate it. Or lean on people so that they don't even have to go through Congress. And sadly, some of you Americans aren't smart enough to realize that this is a really terrible idea. Because first they're going to go after network television, then cable. They've already said they want to.

So ask yourself if the government, which can't protect our borders, protect our ports, get out of the military's way to let them do their jobs, balance their own checkbook, or teach your children, is who you want telling you what you can eat and what you can watch and what you can listen to.

And ask yourself if you want the government to have the power to dictate these things to you, especially when at any moment, your opposition could have control of the government. For you liberals, imagine what it would be like if right wing Christian conservatives had absolute power over television. For you conservatives, imagine what it would be like if left wing hippies had absolute power over television. Let your worst suspicions and nightmares run rampant.

Because that's what you're inviting in. Half of you might be partying, but the other half–the smart ones–are very patiently waiting for it to be their turn to fuck with your world.

Wouldn't it be so much safer just to not allow anybody that sort of power in the first place?

Jeff Jarvis points out the epitome of dumbass legislation–like we need any more examples of that in this country–that states any website would have to "require and obtain legal names and addresses for anyone who posts online… or else the services can be sued for anything false or defamatory posters say."

Read his full post. Is this what passes for "conservatism" in this country these days? That's rhetorical. We all know the answer.

Is it paranoid to think that once all websites have everyone registered, we can be all assigned a government-issued Net-ID that enables them to track what we're all saying online? Uncle Bill would say no, that wasn't paranoid at all.

Also, I agree with Jarvis that the FCC is a load of shite. Granted, that's not quite how he phrased it, but you know what I mean.

Musical Postscript: Inoffensive pop. That's hard to accomplish with my brooding ass. The New Pornographers' "The Laws Have Changed" manages it, however. Found via…well, The Laws Have Changed.

More Paranoid Postscript: I wonder what weird hits from search engines I'll get having "Pornographers" and "FCC" in the same post.

(scary noises and exeunt)