Postings have been slow on Needcoffee and stopped altogether on Kicksplode due to Flupocalypse hitting the One Tusk compound. I managed to dodge the worst of it due to taking heroic doses of Vitamin C. How big were the doses on a daily basis? If I had taken the same amount in caffeine in a short amount of time, I'd have killed myself about four times over.
Whatever. It worked. But now I get the exhaustion of insomnia plus the exhaustion of post-illness. Bravo!
O Caffeine, take me into your loving arms for one more day
Let thy quad venti delivery mechanism
Enter unto me like a divine wellspring
Of eyelids not closing at stoplights.
Let the extra 400mg of you I ingest
Bring reinforcements to your troops
Doing battle against the hordes of fatigue
Seeking to usurp myself and my productivity.
If I should succumb to sleep
If I should descend and then not awaken once more
Let me find myself across the espresso river
Let me have paid the boatman in beans
Let me find unrest at last
In a paradise filled with Red Bull trees
And fountains of Surge and Josta
And all those other drinks that have gone before us.
Let us make little cream and foam hearts
On the surface of eternity.
And then
Let us drink.
I spiked a container of cran-grape juice.
The caffeine content is so high, I poured some into a Disney glass. Sneezy passed out and convulsed.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
600mg of ibuprofen. Check.
400mg of caffeine. Check.
Washed down both with a Red Bull. Check.
So. Let's see how much we can accomplish now, yes?
I thought I consumed a lot of caffeine. Compared to Robbie Williams I am a lightweight. My personal stash of powdered caffeine I add to water would last him a week.
These are the vegetable chips, of course. I'm digging on their new zesty tomato style which are all orange and deep red and such.
The only trouble is when you eat all the really nice looking chips off the top. If you then peer into the bag you're thinking, "Wait…are these chips? Or potpourri?"
This is the shit I think about at four in the morning. And how was your day?
This is me.
No, really.
I am a writer, poet, spoken word performer, actor, singer, improviser, content creation and idea machine, freelance iconoclast, and the internet's janitor that dispenses pop culture wisdom to the protagonist of your choice. I have seen too many movies, read too many comic books, and when the zombies finally come, I'm the one you want to call. I sure as hell won't answer the phone, but it's the thought that counts. I advise people on the net, websites and technology, because I know these things instead of having a life or sleeping.
If you like something I've done, donate to the Widge Wants to Kill His Day Job Fund. Or if you'd like to hire me for a job, my rates are terribly reasonable. We thank you.
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