2007 September » Missives From the Technocave

Robots.txt is Pretty Damn Important, Yes

Posted on 09.30.07 by Widge @ 5:52 am

Technically, it's correct: you don't need a robots.txt for good SEO.

However, it's not that simple. Part of the problems I was having on my sites was that the search engine bots weren't just crawling my site, they were freaking pounding it into a fine powder. Oh sure, if you've got a big enough server, you can afford to let them run all over you–but I'm doing this crap on a budget.

If you're on a budget hosting service, or to put it another way, if you're using the cheapest hosting you feel you can get away with–you have to make sure you're not throwing away bandwidth or CPU cycles.

Look at your access logs. Are you getting hammered every couple of seconds by Googlebot? Or the Yahoo bot? Or any bot for that matter?

If you have a robots.txt, are the bots reading it and heeding it?

It's one thing if you've got flat HTML pages for your site, but even with wp-cache running, Wordpress can bog down if a bot is allowed to run rampant. And if your site is slow or can't be crawled properly because the bots have bogged it down, then yeah, that can affect your SEO.

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Filed under: Fun With SEO
Comments: None

Hacking Quicktags: All Links Are Not Created Equal

Posted on 09.30.07 by Widge @ 1:53 am

Okay, next up: the link quicktag. On Needcoffee, we have internal links and external links. Internal links are just plain old links. External links open in a new window. I know that irritates a few people, but I have no idea why. You close the window and you're where you came from. Seems like a no brainer to me.

Anyway. Same deal as before:

1. Go to /wp-includes/js/

2. Edit quicktags.js

3. Look for this code:

edButtons[edButtons.length] =
new edButton('ed_link'
,'link'
,''
,''
,'a'
); // special case

(more…)

Filed under: Wordpress
Comments: None

Hacking Quicktags: One Image Directory, Under Eris

Posted on 09.29.07 by Widge @ 10:55 pm

Okay, so here's some fun. At Needcoffee, we pretty much draw from a single directory for images. But if you do the IMG quicktag by itself, all you get is it asking you for the full URL. That's no fun. How can you hardcode the img directory in there?

Simple.

1. Go to wp-includes/js/

2. Edit your quicktags.js

3. Look for this code (I've killed some tabs just to keep it from being too wide for the theme):

function edInsertImage(myField) {
	var myValue = prompt(quicktagsL10n.enterImageURL, 'http://');
	if (myValue) {
		myValue = '<img src="'
		+ myValue
		+ '" alt="' + prompt(quicktagsL10n.enterImageDescription, '')
		+ '" />';
		edInsertContent(myField, myValue);
	}
}

(more…)

Filed under: Wordpress
Comments: None

Wordpress and the Illuminati

Posted on 09.27.07 by Widge @ 1:03 am

Seriously, think about it: Wordpress 2.3. 2+3 = 5. Law of Fives.

I just saw realized this when I ran the Ultimate Tag Warrior converter:

Import Complete!

OK, so we lied about this being a 5-step program! You’re done!

Now wasn’t that easy?

Remember how AUM had cocaine added to it simply to allow for the Law of Fives?

Yeah. Law of Fives.

Hail Discordia.

Filed under: Wordpress
Comments: None

Customizing Tags in Wordpress 2.3

Posted on 09.25.07 by Widge @ 11:10 pm

Okay, folks. Seems to have worked…so far.

And because this is the first thing I wanted to be able to do: let's talk tags.

The UTW importer seems to work very well–although, come on, guys: UTW was a good plugin. Do you really have to refer to it as a "nasty habit"? Kinda tacky.

Anyway, it zapped my 500-some odd tags fairly quickly. There were four very odd errors where it appears tags didn't make the leap–some sort of database error–but I didn't take down the error. If I see it again, I will.

But here's the part that's a little wonky–and a little unnerving. There's nothing in the Wordpress admin area to let you tinker with tags. They're just sort of there. I understand there's some plugins to help the tag admin thing, but as long as it works, I don't care.

I had to strip the UTW code out of my theme because it was causing errors (and of course, reactivating the UTW plugin caused a fatal error which Wordpress mercifully put the kibosh on before it could do any damage). So how to get the tags back in?

Well, this post is a good start, and the followup's not bad, but what if you just want to say something witty and then list your tags in a comma-separated list? It's not obvious.

< ?php the_tags('Taggification: ', ', ' , ''); ?>

That's how I do the tags on this theme. And as for context of where it goes?

<div class="storycontent"> < ?php the_content(__('(more...)')); ?> </div> <br />< ?php the_tags('Taggification: ', ', ' , ''); ?> <p>Filed under: < ?php the_category(' and') ?> <br />Comments: < ?php comments_popup_link(__('None'), __('1 Comment'), __('% Comments')); ?></p>

Tinker with it till you get it to look like what you want.

I'm going to be changing themes anyway. This one just looks like a giant nasty kluge.

Filed under: Wordpress
Comments: None

Upgrading to Wordpress 2.3

Posted on 09.25.07 by Widge @ 9:08 pm

If you see anything weird, that's probably why. Yes, this blog is the guinea pig. I'll let you know how it goes.

Filed under: Wordpress
Comments: None

Atlanta Belongs to Jesus

Posted on 09.24.07 by Widge @ 11:54 pm

I keep seeing this bumper sticker.

I doubt its accuracy. For one thing, you would hope He would have done something about the traffic.

Filed under: General BS
Comments: 4 Comments

Iron Pastry Chef

Posted on 09.23.07 by Widge @ 4:17 pm

I'd like to add my voice to the chorus of people clamoring for this show. It's an absolute no-brainer. Get Gaffigan to play the Alton Brown role. Why not?

Filed under: Free Ideas
Comments: None

Atheist Nightmares

Posted on 09.21.07 by Widge @ 1:03 am

I keep seeing this rubbish about cute little "atheist nightmares" that supposedly prove the existence of God, so fine: here's my latest TV pitch:

Now that Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares has hit America, it's time to take that concept and mix it with the success of The God Delusion, Root of All Evil? and others.

Thus, I submit to you:

Richard Dawkins' Atheist Nightmares.

Each week, Richard goes 'round to see if he can help budding atheists make that final leap and shed their unneeded belief systems.

Think about it:

Gordon convinces folks to use local produce; Richard convinces folks to find local groups that non-believe like they non-believe.

Gordon gets cooks to clean up their kitchens, which half the time are filthy; Richard gets people to tidy up their belief systems, basically showing them that they don't actually believe half of what they think they believe.

Gordon snaps people out of their culinary doldrums with tough love; Richard snaps people out of their spiritual doldrums with tough logic.

He's not converting the unwilling, mind you. It's just really hard to shed a belief system–take it from somebody who knows.

I think it would be a smash hit. Somebody pay me.

Filed under: Free Ideas
Comments: None

Idiot Wants Red Bull Labels Changed

Posted on 09.19.07 by Widge @ 1:59 am

Here's the full article. My favorite bit:

Now facing six weeks off work, he said warning labels on the products should be revamped to alert people that excessive consumption could lead to death. Labels currently warn against consuming more than two cans, or 1.5 bottles a day, without describing the consequences. 'They say [on energy drink labels] don't have more than this much,' Mr Penbross said. 'But they don't say if you have too much, what will happen.'

That's right, Mr. Penbross. You also aren't told expressly not to drive your car off a cliff. And, on the Batman costume, when it says "Cape does not enable user to fly," it does not expressly state what will happen if you try anyway.

Bad shit is what happens, you jackass. It's not like they're trying to hide the fact that after the fifth Red Bull you suddenly gain magical powers or something. You had 640mg of caffeine in five hours while involved in a sporting activity that was already taxing your system. You obviously don't have a serious tolerance because I have 400mg of caffeine at a single go. But that's because I have a huge tolerance and I know my limits. And I go find out how much caffeine I'm taking in and control the levels by watching what I'm ingesting.

Thank you for admitting you are a terminal imbecile. On behalf of everyone, please: don't breed.

And listen to me, everybody. I know we take a light-hearted approach to being caffeinated and buzzy and whatever, but do not fuck with caffeine. It is your friend as long as you don't piss it off.

Know. Your. Limits.

Sorry for the rant. I just get pissed off by idiots who make life difficult for the rest of us.

Found via Neatorama.

Filed under: Ranting
Comments: 1 Comment