A Thought From Inside an Automatic Car Wash
Posted on 03.29.07 by Widge @ 9:33 am

You know, going through one of these things while on some strong psychedelics would be like playing a one person Lovecraft LARP.

Filed under: General BS
Comments: 2 Comments


This Just In…
Posted on 03.28.07 by Widge @ 12:29 am

Pope ensures he keeps his job.

Filed under: General BS
Comments: None


Biometrics for a Beemer?
Posted on 03.23.07 by Widge @ 7:04 pm

Give this a read.

Sound familiar? How about when I put it like this:

1. We must do something to prevent fraud in buying autos!

2. Taking your thumbprint is something!

3. It must be done!

Filed under: Ranting
Comments: None


Atlas Said, "Come Again?"
Posted on 03.19.07 by Widge @ 8:47 am

This is rough. Check out this latest missive from the Pirate Bay guys.

Now look at this line:

Democracy is about freedom and its foundation lies within the fact that everyone has the right to all information, culture and creativity.

Now, from what Wikipedia tells me about Sweden, it's a "representative parliamentary democracy under a constitutional monarchy," which I think is safe to assume is correct since to my knowledge Stephen Colbert does not have Sweden in his crosshairs at this time. So I'll give him that. Still, he's not living in a pure democracy, because as I believe we've said before, democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting as to what's for lunch.

But still, does anybody here really think that the foundation of democracy, the rule of the people, is that the people get all information, culture and creative stuff for free? I thought the foundation of democracy was the direct participation of citizens in government. Granted, I went to school in Alabama, but I think it was something like that.

And where–anywhere–does it say that you have the right–not the option, mind you, but the right–to download the latest Bruce Springsteen album free of charge?

Now, to quote Uncle Bill, "I'm with the invaders. No use trying to hide that." Of course, the next bit is something to the effect of "But I disagree with some of what they are doing."

And here we go.

Let's not have anybody stupidly running around saying that they have a right to get shit for free. For example, the only reason you can get my books for free–or at least, digital versions of them–is because I have decided to make them available for free. So you have no right to jack shit of mine, Mikael. As I've stated before, if it's my choice to make it available for free, I will more than likely do so, but if you come around here pissing and moaning about your right to my books, then I'd rather burn the fuckers than let you have them under those terms.

The battle you're fighting is to get businesses to change their business model so that what you're doing can be seen as a bonus for them if nothing else. They have to be convinced that piracy, or what they define as piracy, actually can generate sales as opposed to killing them off completely.

But if you go around saying that piracy's good because it gets you the shit you want for free, well, the companies are going to go down fighting you. Because in that scenario, they can't win. You see, creating this stuff takes time, talent and money. And while the people reading me right now are thinking, "Yeah, Widge, but those companies you're defending gave us Batman and Robin, Joey and The DaVinci Code." To which I say, "Yeah, but they also brought you Batman Begins, Deadwood and Harry Potter." They have been known to provide a bit of entertainment in their time.

If you kill the companies by demanding that you get their shit for free, then what are we left with? Watching teenagers act stupid on YouTube? Are you really telling me that you would support the guys who made House (the series, not the movie franchise mind you) to go make it without a network's support? Wait, no, Mikael, of course not–because you have the right to that series without paying a dime–anywhere, anytime. That means you should be able to get it commercial free and on demand, and the networks should just suck it up and deal.

So, Mikael, you're not helping. Get your shit together. There is a way that this can end with everybody happy, but if you're demanding everything for nothing then no one's going to take you seriously. And the artists who do actually sort of agree with most of what you're up to–like me–are going to leave you for the wolves because you've gotten out of line with too many imaginary "rights."

Filed under: Ranting
Comments: 1 Comment


You Can Have Too Much of a Good Thing
Posted on 03.19.07 by Widge @ 12:39 am

I mean…holy shit, man.

I thought I consumed a lot of caffeine. Compared to Robbie Williams I am a lightweight. My personal stash of powdered caffeine I add to water would last him a week.

Filed under: Insomnia
Comments: None


Dear Charter Communications
Posted on 03.18.07 by Widge @ 11:19 pm

In case you were wondering why you were unable to sell me on your VOIP service, it's because my cable modem is down now…again. And only an idiot has a single point of failure for all his communications. Especially when that single point of failure is handled by a company that doesn't even have the sense necessary to A) have a website that has an ongoing outage status so I don't have to call and pester the support staff to find out WTF's happening, 2) sends out e-mails to its customers when they're having a problem so that they don't have to call and pester the support staff, and III) post a warning in advance of any planned maintenance-related outages.

March boldly into the 20th Century in regards to those three issues and then come back and talk to me about your reliable phone service.

Love,
Widge

Filed under: Ranting
Comments: None


I Don't Want to Be an M&M
Posted on 03.18.07 by Widge @ 9:06 pm

I just saw a commercial in which people were turning into M&Ms.

It said that there's an M inside all of us.

It reminded me of body snatchers. All you need is a Donald Sutherland M complete with curly hair, pointing and screaming.

Fuck you people. I'm a Q. And a silent one at that. Try and take that from me.

Filed under: General BS
Comments: None


The Doctors Said I Had Improved a Lot Since High School
Posted on 03.18.07 by Widge @ 8:07 pm

The doctors lied.

Filed under: General BS
Comments: 2 Comments


Dear Alice
Posted on 03.17.07 by Widge @ 4:43 am

Please never breed.

Love,
Widge

Filed under: Ranting
Comments: None


Jonathan Lethem, Rights and Free Love
Posted on 03.13.07 by Widge @ 10:41 pm

Here's the announcement. Go read it.

Okay…maybe I've lost my mind here, but help me. Here's a bit from it.

The filmmaker and I will make an agreement to release all ancillary rights to the film (and its source material, the novel), five years after the film's debut. In other words, after a waiting period during which those rights would still be restricted, anyone who cared to could make any number of other kinds of artwork based on the novel's story and characters, or the film's: a play, a television series, a comic book, a theme park ride, an opera – or even a sequel film or novel featuring the same characters. For that matter, they can remake the film with another script and new actors. In my agreement with the filmmaker, those ancillary rights will be launched into the public domain.

First up…I want to say up front that I respect Lethem's decision (not that he would give a shit one way or the other what I thought, naturally) and respect his right to do whatever the hell he wants with his book and the rights to it.

But here's what I don't understand. Back when I was offering up short stories for sale to magazines, you would sell a certain amount of rights to it. For example, First North American Serial Rights. That basically meant that you, North American magazine, would get the right to publish it first in North America before anybody else. You could sell any set of rights you wanted. World Serial Rights. European Serial Rights. Whatever.

Now, I've never had the burden of having to deal with film rights to one of my writings. So there could be a perfectly plausible explanation for these things. I'm sure that in a standard movie deal you're selling every right under the sun to your book apart from the right to keep on printing copies of the book. They get sequel rights (a standard bit of the contract that Stephen King finally killed after Children of the Corn XVI) and probably remake rights and hell, I don't know, breakfast cereal rights.

But if you wanted to offer somebody just the film rights, you could do that, right? Without having to send things into the public domain, I mean. Without having to put a five year cap on it. In theory, Lethem could sell the film rights to one group and the collectible card game rights to another group. Right?

Granted, if I'm Paramount, I'm going to want it all. But a smaller group of folks would probably realize that no, they never wanted the musical-on-ice rights to the thing and forego that.

Anyway, if this goes public domain I think I might just create a collectible card game out of it just for the sheer hell of it.

Found via Boing Boing.

Filed under: General BS
Comments: None


previous posts »
John Robinson is a writer of prose, poetry and comics who also writes under the pseudonym of Widgett Walls.

Widgett Walls is the director of Needcoffee.com who also writes under the pseudonym of John Robinson.

Don't ask.


This is my latest book. Short stories written especially for you, or at least someone who reminded me a lot of you at the time.

Read it for free here. Or if you like paper, buy it here.

Then tell all your friends about it. Or all your enemies. I'm not particular either way.


Want a translation? Try these:

They're not perfect, but they'll do in a pinch.







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