Halloween Film Fest 2006!
Posted on 10.27.06 by Widge @ 9:44 pm

1. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
2. The Evil Dead (1981)
3. "The Tell-Tale Heart" (1995).

Holy crap. The vulture eye looks like Manute's eye from Sin City, just with a pupil in it. I'm going to have to put in a screen grab when this is up. This adaptation is really, really terrible. They've added an invalid girl lodger. The police suspect the protagonist from the beginning. And they've given a backstory to the protagonist's hatred for the eye.

As Cosette points out, it's easy to see why the guy's so transfixed by the vulture eye. It's the most hideous prosthetic ever. Of course, it makes me want to kill the makeup artist and not the old man.

Oh man. The invalid girl's the granddaughter of the old man.

Update: Wait…it's his niece. But she calls him Granpa Joe? I can't tell if that's a pet name for him or if the writer was really that bad on continuity. I can't even tell if it matters or not. This is dreadful. Send help.

Update: The old man calls out "Who's there?" It's "Tom," the protagonist, you twit. How can you know?

He's fucking backlit! That's how you know!

Update: The protagonist is a former mental patient? Oh for fuck's sake. The only way this could be worse is to have Arnold in the lead and have a shootout at the end.

Update: Holy crap. He's not calling out at the end due to the heart. He's screaming about the eye and he pulls it up from beneath the floor and it's beating like a heart! Oh my sweet crispy Jesus. Was the eye some kind of parasitical alien? Is that what they're trying to get across? Oh man. I'll be hard pressed to watch something worse than this this weekend. The pain. Oh God, the pain.

4. Orgy of the Dead (1965)

"Time seems to stand still." Yes. It does. We're only eight minutes in and I feel like I've been watching this for days.

Update: "Throw gold at her!" Yes. Heavy, gold bricks. Crush her, please. I've never seen more boring erotic dances in my life. Is that what life was really like before Cinemax? This is basically ninety minutes of topless chicks dancing in a cemetery? And Ed Wood adapted this from his novel? Was the novel five pages long or something? Then the Native American chick danced. After a few minutes, she took off her top. Then she danced some more. Then the stripper danced. After a few minutes, she took off her top. Then she danced some more. Then the chick they awoke from a crypt danced. After a few minutes…"

Update: Holy shit! A Tusken Raider! Wait. No, it's a Mummy. Never mind.


Filed under: General BS
Comments:

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  1. I watched Orgy of the Dead with a porn addict - he got up to do the dishes about half way through.

    Comment by jhayne — December 12, 2006 @ 9:12 pm

  2. Doing dishes is sexier than this film. Self trepanation is sexier than this film. A comet striking your childhood pet and reducing him and everything for blocks all around to a fine coppery powder while all you can do is stand by looking aghast is sexier than this film.

    Comment by Widge — December 12, 2006 @ 9:26 pm

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