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Posted on 03.13.06 by Widge @ 7:19 pm
Well, Needcoffee.com, the website I started as a lark based on some insane discussions with Bailey back in 1997, is finally turning into a website you can take home to meet your mom. You know, as long as your mom doesn't mind filthy language. Or a terrible sense of humor. We won the Bloggie for Best Kept Secret Weblog, if you can but dig it. If you want to check out our distinguished competition, I've set up a permanent little box on the right hand side of the Needcoffee.com page with linkage. As I promised myself, I celebrated by going out to get Thai coffee. Unfortunately, the place was closed for another hour or so, so I went to Starbucks first and got an iced chai. I still felt kind of tired while I was waiting, so I sucked on a Foosh. Then I got two Thai coffees to go. Awwwww, yeah. Now I can feel my hair growing. ![]() That's what victory looks like. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.12.06 by Widge @ 5:26 pm
![]() So this is the glamorous life of an online movie critic. I receive the above in my in-basket. With the subject line "You are evil and mean." At first, this is puzzling, since the obvious assumption is that I'm being criticized for not being in favor of the Steve Martin/Beyonce remake. But then I realize this is taken from Rotten Tomatoes, and I haven't written up anything for the remake on Rotten Tomatoes. It's a quote from my snippet on The Curse of the Pink Panther, that terrible sequel with Clouseau's "American son." Why would someone defend that film? Anyone? Except perhaps Ted Wass. Maybe…this is Ted Wass e-mailing me? Maybe it's Steve Martin himself, taking a moment before starting production on Cheaper by the Dozen 3. Regardless, it's obviously some kid using his dad's e-mail address, because "1971" is in the address and no one my age sends out e-mail like this where they look like they're twelve. And my friend, you know what hell is? Hell is sending e-mail to a guy who just uses it to make a post on his site to draw more people into his evil and mean lair. Muhahahaha. Do it again and I'll post your e-mail address so everybody at your middle school will know you use those stupid emoticons. Now get off the computer and do your homework. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.12.06 by Widge @ 12:53 am
I love the concept behind their new concert film, Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That!. For those who do not know, they handed out fifty cameras to audience members and let them shoot the film. They then got the cameras back, compiled the footage and the rest is history. Apparently they're doing an advance screening before the flick hits on March 31st. Also, if you don't have the most excellent Criterion DVD of their videos, that was pretty amazing as well. Grab that from Amazon. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.12.06 by Widge @ 12:42 am
I'm all for creators having a say–as long as they're contractually obligated to have it–in adaptations of their stuff. Hell, wouldn't you love to see something like From Hell get the Sin City treatment*? I still stand by our DreamCast for the film. But here's the thing: throwing the money to your co-creators might be noble and all, O Wise Bearded Kickass Writer, but come on…why not take that money and throw it into your own publishing imprint? Use it to prime the pump so you never have to deal with anything but publishing on your own terms ever again? Granted, you're over at Top Shelf now, and I've dealt with them and they're some very cool people. But, hell, take the money and invest in the future. If nothing else, fund an online tutorial on how not to get screwed by publishing contracts. Something. You say you got swindled. Fine. Use their own money against them, I say. It'd be nice if you used the money to finish Big Numbers if nothing else. Sniff. *–The Sin City Treatment, of course, is a full-on, no-holds-barred, no fucking around, no "let's set it in space," no "let's make it after an apocalypse," no "let's have it happen in New York instead," balls to the wall faithful rendition of the graphic novel on the screen. Not necessarily shot on green screen in black and white with color highlights. Just for the record. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.12.06 by Widge @ 12:06 am
Those six months you're planning on wasting to try and print the entire Internet…you're really going to miss them when you're as old as I am and you realize you pissed away all of that time and effort to get it done. Especially when you're in your thirties and realizing that your legacy to the world is a CBS TV movie of the week. Or these days, even worse, the Lifetime Channel. Repent now and turn back. If you know what's good for you. Found via MetaFilter. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.11.06 by Widge @ 4:50 pm
Basically, what you're saying, Catholic League, is that Catholics are too dumb to figure stuff out on their own and might mistake a movie for reality. Which is why Independence Day had people freaking out thinking that the prophecy of V had come to pass. And why the recent War of the Worlds had people freaking out just like the Orson Welles radio version did. And why every time there's a Rob Schneider movie released, suicide rates soar. Are you saying, guys, that Catholics are so feeble in the head that they'll believe anything that even smells true? Dan Brown's book, last time I checked, was located in the FICTION section of your local brick and mortar bookstore. Dan Brown saying anything otherwise means, in my opinion, that he's an extremely savvy marketer. If Catholics' faith collectively is so fragile that this book is going to be its undoing, then you people have more serious problems than a third-class mystery-thriller, folks. Unless, of course, as I've surmised before, you guys are running a scam with Brown and splitting the profits. Then it all makes perfect sense. Honestly, I should write a damn book about that and claim it's true and get totally meta on all your asses. Post Script: From Brown's website FAQ on the book:
Yeah, first question. It's also assumed, apparently, that Catholics can't read. Wait, then how did they read the damn book in the first place? Oh, audiobooks. Fine. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.11.06 by Widge @ 4:18 am
Siege and I are in agreement. We want to eat here. I want exotic meat brought to me on a spear. I bet Denis Leary gets takeout from there three times a week. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.11.06 by Widge @ 3:48 am
Huge points for having Ian Falconer's wonderful pig involved in this "mission". Wilbur from Charlotte's Web is no doubt flying the chopper to provide extraction for our heroes when the job's done. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.10.06 by Widge @ 9:42 pm
Much hoohah has been made of the Oscars and what they meant as far as films featuring homosexuals or transgendered folks. Here's what one whackjob has to say:
Mr. Chambers, we're talking about an industry that is all about money. That's what weighs heavily upon the members of the Academy when they vote, amigo. So let's see what America thinks about Brokeback, hmm? Wow, that's $80 million and going strong on more than 1200 screens in its thirteenth week of being in release at the time I write this. Do you understand what it means for a film to be anywhere near the top 10 while thirteen weeks out of release? That's rarer than…well, proof of the divine. The film cost $14 million to make. Which means, excepting marketing, Focus Features made its money back more than five times, coming up on six. And that's before the DVD release. And let's not even get into what it's made overseas, since I'm sure you consider everybody outside of our borders to be godless heathens. So that's the message America's sending Hollywood, O Deluded One. Give us low budget films with what we perceive as a good story and we'll go see it in droves. Mind you, I didn't even like the movie, fella. To me, it's the DaVinci Code of recent films: it's very popular, and that's a shame. The idea of having two men fall in love who are in the most archetypical role you can have in America–the fabled Cowboy–is a great one. And filled with potential for story that the film didn't execute on. Instead we got two ciphers who hooked up for one night of passionate semi-drunken shangri-la that inexplicably turned into a lifelong obsession for them both. I should not be more interested in Randy Quaid's character than the two leads. But yet, I am, because he's a character. The two leads, on the other hand, are cardboard cutouts who I know nothing about, have no emotional attachment to, and yet am supposed to care for. Hell, forty minutes in, when we are introduced to their future wives, the two ladies are instantly better characters than the men. It takes, if I remember correctly, eighty minutes for us to get to a point where the two leads do anything that might make them endearing. It's at that point, when the two men are looking atmaybe getting together once every four years if they're lucky, that there's been enough characterization–seemingly by accident–for the two actors to finally get a toehold and start to do something beyond either trying to channel Jimmy Dean or trying to seem just vaguely confused about the whole ordeal. Frankly, I think people were so pleased to see a film like this that they latched onto it with both hands. It's something everyone can relate to, hetero, homo or otherwise. Most everybody has, at some point in their life, found themselves attracted–in such a way that they can't resist, deny or even get away from–somebody that they "shouldn't" be attracted to. You know what I mean: other people don't think that it's "right" to be with that person, whether it's skin color, gender, social status, financial status, whatever. We've all been in relationships that define the phrase "It'll all end in tears." And you know that, but being in that relationship might be painful, but not being in it would be worse. That's what people, IMO, bring to this movie in order to fill in the giant, gaping holes in it. They can relate, so that transcends weak writing and bad characterization. Just one shmoe's dimestore musings on the subject. And it's a shame that it's this movie that is being hailed as the breakthrough mainstream movie about homosexuality, when so many other films have come before that were simply better. I enjoyed The Hanging Garden quite a bit. Hell, Gods and Monsters, although flawed, was better than Brokeback. Granted, none of them took the chance that Brokeback did, what with the whole manly men in love thing, but still: next time I'd like to see that story, but just with some quality behind it. Back to you, though, Mr. Chambers with some advice. If you want to be free from having to deal with homosexuality, that's fine. We'll keep any offensive homosexuals away from you as long as you promise to keep your offensive delusional religious tendencies away from homosexuals and those of us who have no issue with homosexuals. Trust me, we're getting the better half of that deal. Original story that set all this off found at Defamer. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 03.10.06 by Widge @ 8:29 pm
Filed under: General BS
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John Robinson is a writer of prose, poetry and comics who also writes under
the pseudonym of Widgett Walls.
This is my latest book. Short stories written especially for you, or at least someone who reminded me a lot of you at the time.