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Posted on 06.22.05 by Widge @ 2:29 am
So in our wanderings, we came across this:
Which contained this:
And looking at this, I'm sure you're thinking the same thing we were: "Holy crap, we need some playing cards." Amazingly, somebody just happened to have some. So…
We played blackjack with Jesus and the Disciples.
Amazingly, I managed to get two kings while playing with the King of Kings. Of course, Jesus beat me in that hand with a nine of hearts and a twelve of clubs. And lest you think I'm the seriously blasphemous one, the little kid next to me was saying, "Hit me, Jesus, hit me!" And Jesus did. He smote the child with two fours and a Jack, then another Jack to bust him. Then Jesus went on to get twenty-one with fourteen cards. Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.22.05 by Widge @ 1:53 am
Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.22.05 by Widge @ 1:48 am
The plaque on the mountain said it had been there since 1915. The desert…is also unforgiving. Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.20.05 by Widge @ 6:53 pm
I remember when picking up a copy of the Weekly World News used to be a treat. But now…here's just an example. A story of a little girl who sang so hard so literally sang her heart out. As in, while doing her medley of songs from Footloose, her heart burst from her chest. Sounds good so far, right? The little girl's last name is Clamor. The teacher's name is Mrs. Warble. The school nurse's name is Nurse Chapel. The doctor's name is Dr. Klott. The girl's condition: cardiac cannonitis. See? They're not even trying anymore. I can't tell if they've given up on the gullible and have just decided to go for the stupid, or if they're trying to become a parody of their former self-parody. What happened to the good old days when our Senators were space aliens? Or Bat Boy? Or the World's Fattest Man finding love with the World's Skinniest Woman? I am filled with sadness. I will go and listen to Art Bell so that I may find comfort. Filed under: General BS
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Posted on 06.19.05 by Widge @ 12:22 pm
BY JESUS! Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.19.05 by Widge @ 12:17 pm
The Dayball.
"Oh shit, get Jesse out here and start up the car. And break out the black spray paint." Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.19.05 by Widge @ 7:06 am
I am in the desert. It is 5am here. Outside, a legion of cheerful bird calls resound, heralding the new day. I am filled with the desperate need to find the bastards and kill them to shut them the hell up. Then I want to cook them and eat them. Sadly, the one thing I could have used as a weapon was taken from me by the TSA. It's obvious the birds and the government are working together against me. In my semi-insane state, I keep expecting the dude from the Tokens to begin crooning "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," where upon I will want to kill, cook and eat him as well. You are all bastards. More later. Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.18.05 by Widge @ 11:35 pm
I was so pleased to see this in the airplane's bathroom. Apparently if a small child is bothering you, you simply pull down this device, lay the baby on its back, and shut the device again, thus ejecting it from the plane. Sadly, I did not have an opportunity to try out its effectiveness. Maybe on the trip home. Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.18.05 by Widge @ 10:20 am
I know I'm an idiot for forgetting and packing my scissors, but they didn't check my laptop, my Sidekick, or my iPod. But they took my beard scissors. So all of the electronic devices that could screw with the plane are fine, but I might flip out and decide to cut someone's hair mid-flight. Right. Also, the plane has these nifty little video screens. And while boarding, they show these soothing nature videos, I guess to take everyone's minds off the fact that I won't be able to give them a trim during our journey together. Which sounds good when you're reading this off a website. But you know how much coffee I drink, and soothing pictures of streams and ocean currents just really make me want to pee. So I have a full bladder and crazy facial hair. Pray for me. Update: The drop-down communal video screens are to replace the now useless tiny video screens in the back of the seat in front of each person. That company, the flight attendant mentioned, went bankrupt. Also, they said that we had to go and get the engine that runs the air and stuff powered up out on the runway by a cart. So that's nice that even airlines have AAA memberships. I wonder if they get a group deal. Filed under: Travel
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Posted on 06.16.05 by Widge @ 8:42 am
"Any valid theory of our universe must be consistent with our existence as human beings, at this particular time and place in that universe, the vast majority of whom are deserving of scorn and distrust." Filed under: General BS
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John Robinson is a writer of prose, poetry and comics who also writes under
the pseudonym of Widgett Walls.
This is my latest book. Short stories written especially for you, or at least someone who reminded me a lot of you at the time.
