If, somehow, I become famous–or even infamous–please. Please. Don't let them name things after me like ham and cheese sandwiches. Do you think Doc Holliday likes going through eternity with a ham and cheese sandwich named after him? Does anything about Doc Holliday suggest a ham and cheese sandwich to you? (Granted, I'll be reviewing the soda named after him, but that's another post on a different site.) They can name an espresso drink after me, that's cool. But "Wyatt's Turkey with Provolone"? That's harsh, man. That's what hell is like.

This is hell:

GOD: "We're going to let you into heaven, boys."

TOMBSTONE GANG (Earps, Clantons and others): "Sweet! Thanks, Big G!"

GOD: (snickers) "Don't mention it."

WYATT: "Um…why is everyone laughing at us?"

When you're supposed to be a badass cowboy and folks are laughing at you and asking how the ice cream sundae business is going…that's what hell is like. I'm convinced.